Small Doctor: If this singer was a real Doctor, this is how he would treat his patients

We took liberties with our imagination, with a little help from Small Doctor's music and performances to draw this up.

So let’s consider this as a scenario entirely in our heads. I have had a number of people and commenters on Pulse ask me if Small Doctor is really a Doctor, as in a medical professional, with a coat, a stethoscope and a needle with which he pricks people.

And no, the answer is simple; Small Doctor is not a medical professional. He has never gone near a medical school, and hasn’t earned a degree to practice the holy science of medicine. Instead, he got his name from his mother who wanted him to become a doctor.

 

“It has been my nickname from way back,” he told City People. “My Mom calls me Doctor because she wanted me to be one. And then my brother completed the whole drama by adding small to the doctor, because I was addicted to watching that TV series ‘Doctor Who’ that was how Small Doctor came into existence, so it was a name I got before I had started singing.”

Let’s think about this. Wishes sometimes can become horses, and everyone can ride. What if Small Doctor’s mother’s wishes became real, and the singer magically finds himself in a consultation room, where patients with health conditions show up to receive treatment what would happen? How will the drama unfold? We took liberties with our imagination, with a little help from his music and performances to draw this up.

“Knock knock”

Small Doctor: Who dey there? Oya show.

Patient: Good morning Doctor.

SD: Good morning. How far na. Kilonshele gan gan.

P: I’m fine thank you. I have a little problem.

SD: Ah, na malaria na. You no get AC? Are you sleeping on a bicycle? You for come earlier na. I dey kill mosquito well well…

P: (surprised). No doctor, it is not malaria. I just treated that last week. I think I have an STD.

SD: Ain! Ain! Ain!

P: Doctor, what is it? I have not even mentioned the name of the STD?

SD: I know STD na. Is it not AIDS? You have AIDS! Ain. Won ti gba penalty lo throwing.

P: Oh my God. I had conducted tests earlier at a lab, and they told me that it is Herpes.

SD: You for talk since say na Harp you get. You don shayo well well, sotay you come get Harp. Harp na small thing.

P: I said Herpes, not Harp. I don’t drink alcohol.

SD: Na lie. See that your eye wey dey shine so, na Harp and Paraga cause am. Anyway, the best way to cure Harp go cost you money. Don’t doubt me, I am omo iya teacher.

P: But I don’t have…

SD: Ogbeni shut up. Shayo na bastard. To clear this Harp highness, go cost money oh. Plenty money.

P: I don’t have plenty money. They told me I just needed a cheap cream.

SD: You think say na church be this. If you no get money, hide your face.

P: Where will I get money now, this one you are charging me on the high side?

SD: Call my wire wire friends. Tunde Wire, Aremu Guide, Aboki Wire, Baddo Osa…those egbon na them dey help us for street that year. Call them. Or abi you wan follow Falz talk that nonsense?

P: No Doctor.

SD: You can call me Small Doctor, Omo Iya Teacher.

P: Sorry Sir.

SD: So after you call my egbons, collect money, then come back. Until then, hide your face. Won ti gba penalty lo throwing.

P: Thank you docto…I mean, Small Doctor. I will come back.

SD: Ain!

from pulse.ng - Nigeria's entertainment & lifestyle platform online